Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Gabe's Sad

Gabe has been an emotional roller coaster lately.  He can go from laughter to hysterical sobbing in just seconds.  It's heart-breaking to watch.  We never know what will send him off into the sudden abyss of despair.  His eyes have welled up with tears while sitting at the dinner table, on the couch or while driving in the car and we can't find any reason for the sudden sadness.  Gabe will tell us, "Gabe's sad" but can't offer any further explanation.  

A few days ago, Gabe was caught painting some decorative lemons that I keep in a basket on the kitchen table.  Before I could say anything, Gabe began sobbing and repeating the phrase, "Don't paint lemons.  Gabe's sad."  This went on for some time.  He was deeply distraught and I was completely crushed watching him carry on this way.  

The exact same scenario happened a few days later when he was playing with Lego's.  This time the repeated phrase was, "Don't bite Lego's.  Gabe's sad."  He was once again nearly inconsolable and exhibiting a very painful sadness.  I was heartbroken and feeling completely helpless as I watched him.  

It's times like these that I so wish I could have a conversation with Gabe about how he feels and what he is thinking when this sadness comes over him.  No one ever prepared me for just how difficult parenting would be.  I never imagined a scenario where I would not be able to communicate with my child.  I guess I never imagined a scenario where my child would have Autism.  Gabe isn't the only one who is sad.

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